This morning as I was getting ready I was listening to a playlist on my Ipod, and "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" came on. I've heard this song a hundred times, and in all sorts of settings. When I was on a mission, and was called to my last area, I found myself replaying it over and over again in my mind, telling myself it would be okay!
So when I heard the words in the background this morning, I suddenly felt my Father's gentle nudge, when I heard the final phrase that I've heard so many times before: "I'll be what you want me to be." It struck me that at different points in my life, I've been so willing to move to cities, and change jobs, and uproot my life if I felt like it was what the Lord wanted of me. I never looked back or doubted. I've prayed that he would lead me in the right direction and give me those experiences that he needed me to have, and I have been okay with that.
But recently I've struggled with feeling any kind of peace about my personal situation. Maintaining a positive attitude has become difficult, and there are moments when I don't believe what I hear from others, or even tell myself. As time passes I become more aware of the fact that I haven't received those blessings of marriage and family, while my desires for those blessings increase. I've prayed and pleaded for understanding, and felt such feelings of loneliness at times that I've thought I wouldn't be able to find comfort.
This morning was a gentle reminder to me of that element of faith that I have struggled with. The willingness to be what he wants me to be. I felt such a strong spirit when I listened to that phrase over and over again, and I know that it touched me for a very specific reason. I know that I have a Heavenly Father who is aware of me and who seeks for my happiness. And I know that one day I WILL understand his plan for me. But in the meantime, it's my responsibility to be that person who he wants me to be. And right now, he wants me to be me....single, and learning, and put in opportunities to serve and help others. And he wants me to be happy, regardless of what stage of life I'm in.
So I'm still going to look forward to those promised blessings, and not lose sight of what is most important in this life. But for now I'm going to try my hardest to remember what I was allowed to feel this morning, and move forward, faithfully, not focusing on who I think I should be, but 'trusting my all to his tender care'....and being what he wants me to be.
3 years ago
4 comments:
Wow. Good stuff, Megs. You're so wise now that you're 33. : ) I think about you and Char a lot, and why people are blessed with different opportunities in life. The people in your life are blessed to have you in it -- especially those YW right now.
Amen, sista. Thanks for sharing that. You are living an amazing life and filling it with rich and exciting opportunities, but we singles will sometimes experience the lows of our situations. The important thing is that we keep going on focus on the highs. You do that well.
I just read an article tonight by President Uchtdorf called Continue in Patience. It is well worth reading. I'm struggling to be patient in my trials. It was just a good reminder of how the Lord is mindful of us. One of the things it said was "often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the Mountains of our future experience." A quote I have really been trying to live by lately is by Joseph Smith. He told his cousin when he was very ill. "I should never get discouraged, whatever difficulties might surround me. If I were sunk into the lowest pit of Nova Scotia and all the Rocky Mountains piled on top of me, I ought not to be discouraged,but hang on, exercise faith, and keep good courage, and I should come out on the top of the heap." I have really enjoyed getting to know you thru your blog.
I read this post awhile ago and it gave me the chills. I just wanted to tell you that ever since then I keep thinking that little sentence over and over again. I'm sure the intent was to share YOUR feelings, but you really helped me. Thank you! And, just for the record, I think you are doing great at being the type of person He wants you to be.
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